went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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