Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
