I think I am morally bankrupt
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
