just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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