Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
