Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
