How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
