captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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