I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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