After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
