So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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