New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
