walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
