look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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