if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
