his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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