Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
