worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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