i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
