Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
