Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
