My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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