Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
