And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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