if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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