I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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