i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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