oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
