weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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