i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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