Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
