He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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