In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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