I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
