I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
