marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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