I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
