Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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