my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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