I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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