My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
