Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
