Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
