good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
