i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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