You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
