The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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