Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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