please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
