After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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