she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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