It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
