The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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