OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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