Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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