So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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