Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
