Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
