Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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