If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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