Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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