If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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