3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives