If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.