I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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