ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
