so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
