You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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