God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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