That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
