I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
