Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My balls are so social today.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
