Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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