I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with