Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.