Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
