I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
