I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
