Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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