East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
