She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
