too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
