the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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