Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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