The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
